Stayin' With You
by FlowerPot21
Summary: Sequal to 'Between Us'. Grissom and Sara's relationship is tested when tragedies and other things happen.
1. Secrets

Stayin' With You

The alarm clock went off with a loud buzz. Sara had a pounding headache. She found she had trouble rolling over. It was because of the man behind her. She smiled then leaned over and put the alarm on snooze. She went back to sleep. She and Grissom had gotten a little tipsy off of some wine on their dinner date the night before.

She smiled at the memories. She felt something lightly scratching her belly. She reached under the sheets and found a wrapper. She chuckled as she threw the condom wrapper to the floor. They had used two. 

She felt him stir and he placed a light kiss on her shoulder.

"Good morning," she said happily.

"Good morning," he whispered into her ear. "Did you sleep well?"

"Oh yes," Sara said, turning to face him. "Last night was great."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he said in a husky voice.

They kissed again before getting up just when the alarm went off again. Sara turned it off again.

"I think I have a hangover," Sara said as she put a hand over her forehead. "I've got a huge headache."

"Me too," Grissom said as he got out of bed. "Do you want me to bring you some aspirin and coffee?" 

"Please," she said.

Grissom pulled on his boxers and headed to the kitchen. He barely got two steps in before Sara came rushing past him in a pair of shorts and a bra, nearly knocking him over, to the bathroom. She slammed the door so loud he thought her neighbors might hear. That was one thing that he noticed about Sara for the two months they had been seeing each other: she gave no credence to her neighbors. He talked to her about that several times, but she didn't seem to care.

He stood outside her bathroom door, getting ready to ask what was wrong when he heard her retch into the toilet. He didn't recall her drinking so much the night before to make her throw up. Maybe she was more drunk than he thought.

"Sara, honey," he asked. "Are you okay?"

The reply that he got was more retching. He was really worried about her now. Just as he was about to go into her bathroom, he heard the toilet flushing and the sound of water running. The door to the bathroom opened swiftly and she walked out without saying a word to him. Her mood had changed quickly and she began to clean up her apartment.

Grissom went into her kitchen and put on some coffee. He opened her medicine cabinet and found some Alieve. He gave her two tablets and a glass of water.

"Thank you," she said. She took the aspirin and popped them dry and then she drank the water down. She gave the glass back to him and then resumed tidying up her apartment. 

She went back to her bedroom and began to make the bed. The sheets were a complete mess, and the spread was coming off the mattress. The night before was wild, obviously. Every moment they spent together was wild. Grissom had no idea what came over him…after that rush case, his life changed forever. Now he was committed to Sara. He wanted to stay with her, and make her happy.

She was a beauty. He was lucky to have her the way he did.

After she finished making the bed, she came up to him and gave him a soft kiss before going into the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee before sitting in the living room. Grissom wondered about her sometimes. She could be blunt and firm with him one minute then be sweet and kind the next. It was that same pattern of inconsistent moods that had baffled him for years. 

She turned on the television and then picked up a book from the table. It was strange how she worked, but he loved her even more.

***

"Honey, what do you want for dinner?" Grissom called from the kitchen.

Sara was in the tub taking a long bubble bath while drinking some wine and smoking a cigarette while reading a book. It was a good one, because she had been working on it for weeks.

"Pasta would be nice," she said. "No meat in the sauce."

She went back to reading her book as she took a long drag from her cigarette. She had her craving for nicotine every now and then. Grissom knew that. It didn't bother him as much as she thought. They were still discovering their little quirks about each other. They had only been together three months.

Sara smiled in content. Their relationship was good thus far, the sex was great, and Grissom spoiled her to death. He cooked for her, went shopping, bought her little gifts, and gave her frequent massages.

No one at work even suspected that they were together. They were pretending that the tensions were at an all time high and they worked separate cases to add to the act. Both intensely private people, they didn't mind people not knowing. It was for the best. Nicky would probably get the promotion…the promotion!

"Shit," she muttered under her breath. She forgot to pick it up and throw it away. Grissom would probably put their relationship aside and really truly consider who the best person is for the job.

As she sat in the tub, she felt a wave of nausea hit and she leaned over the tub and pulled the trashcan to her.

She threw up silently, so that Grissom wouldn't be alarmed. The nervousness of her situation was making her sick. She was finished after a few seconds, waiting for her nausea to die down. She relaxed back into the tub. She figured she shouldn't worry about it. She would just go into his office during shift, find her application, tear it up and move on.

When the water started to get a little cold, she stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around her body then drained the tub.

She felt nauseous again and she threw up into the toilet. The rest was dry heaves. 

"Are you alright?" Grissom asked, coming to her aid.

"Yeah," she said. "I guess it's from not eating in a while."

Grissom nodded then went back to the kitchen. 

__

For an incredibly smart man, he's always at a loss for words, she thought to herself.

They ate dinner in silence. Sara knew that she had been withdrawn from him lately, but he didn't press her to talk. She was never really in the mood to talk to him anymore. She just wanted to make love to him and hold him. That's all she wanted. And she got it. Now that she had it, what was next? What was the point of talking when her body expressed so much? Then again, neither of them was ever good with communication.

After dinner, they headed to his bedroom. They took of clothes in a hurry, unable to go through foreplay.

When they were completely naked, Grissom picked Sara up and gently put her down on the bed. She opened her legs wide for him and he thrust into her.

"Oh…Gil I need you," she whined. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby," he whispered into her ear.

He plunged into her harder and deeper until he felt her stiffen.

"Shit…oh…Gil…yes!" she moaned. the burning between her legs was powerful and pleasurable. "Fuck."

When their orgasms subsided, Grissom pulled himself from her and lay by her side. He noticed that Sara was falling instantly asleep. She had not been the same Sara he knew lately. He missed talking with her, her quick wit and humor. That's all he thought about as he slept: Sara before they got together.

***

Sara sat on her toilet, completely stunned. She knew her pupils were dilated and her eyes glazed over. She couldn't believe it. She was pregnant. She dropped the positive pregnancy test to the floor as her hand became weak and numb all of a sudden. Her whole body felt numb. How can she be pregnant? She and Grissom had been using protection…no it couldn't be just after the first time, could it? No, she wasn't even ovulating then. She had her period last month…no she didn't. Yes she did…she had been with Grissom a lot. That makes a woman irregular…

She went out and bought four different pregnancy tests. The clerk was wondering what her problem was.

Uncertainty. That was her problem.

She took all four tests. All four times, she tested positive for pregnancy. Five bright pink lines lined up one after another across her bathroom counter. She was pregnant. It wasn't psychosomatic. A myriad of emotions washed through her body: fear, joy, sadness, confusion, happiness, and anger.

She couldn't tell anyone. She felt ashamed and embarrassed. She and Grissom had only been together for three months and she was pregnant. How? They had been using protection up the wazoo. Condoms, birth control pills. 

It didn't matter how she got pregnant now. She was with child and there was nothing she could do about it. 

She had to find her application and burn it. She had a strange feeling that if she didn't, everything would blow up in her face.


	2. A Loss

Stayin' With You: Chapter Two

"Where the hell is it?" Sara huffed under her breath. She couldn't find the application anywhere on Grissom's desk. She began to cry as she frantically searched his office. 

She sighed, now distraught and crying hysterically. She went to the restroom to calm herself. Her pregnancy was taking an emotional toll on her. It wasn't that she didn't want the baby. She was actually quite happy, but she was afraid of what Grissom might think. She couldn't tell him just yet. She had to find her application and burn it so that it would no longer exist.

***

Grissom noticed that Sara was definitely not herself, but he was afraid to ask what was wrong. She stopped coming over, and she stopped asking him to come over. He figured she wanted some space right now. They had been spending a lot of time together; space was always a good thing…he hoped.

He felt slightly hurt that she hadn't been talking to him lately. There was the occasional secret peck on the cheek or lips, but that was all, and he didn't mind, either. As long as he knew that she was still in love with him, he was okay.

***

The first instance that Sara was scared that everyone suspected there was something wrong with her was when Nick and Warrick brought some Chinese food to the break room for lunch. She immediately blanched and took off for the restroom. When she came back, everyone was concerned. She just shrugged off their concern, dismissing it, saying that it was because she hadn't eaten in a while.

After her little episode, she was actually hungry. She piled food on her plate and ate like she hadn't eaten in days, which she hadn't because she had spent more time at work than usual. She didn't even go see a doctor about her pregnancy. She was perfectly healthy. She and the baby would be fine.

"Mmmm," she sighed in satisfaction. "That was good. I needed a nice dinner."

"I guess it was," Nick said with a smile. "You ate like it was the end of the world."

"Hey I was hungry," Sara argued. "I haven't eaten in a while."

Grissom sat back in his chair. "Well, since everyone is finished eating, I guess I should go ahead and announce who made the key position.

Sara felt her stomach churn. He had her application. Oh no.

Everyone leaned in to find out who qualified.

"I looked at your applications, and you all have good records and good reasons, but I had to choose one, and the person I think that it most qualified for the key position is Ms. Sara Sidle."

Sara felt as if someone sucked all the air out of the room. Why did he choose her? She heard the light applause from her coworkers. Sara was in complete shock.

"I-I-I'm sorry," she said. "I have to go…I'm sorry. I-I have to go."

Everyone was shocked at her response to the news.

Sara walked out to the parking lot and got in her car and drove away. It began to rain torrents and she turned on the windshield wipers. She couldn't stop crying. Her world was coming down around her. Why would he do that to her? He knew that he couldn't do that. She didn't want the position.

She drove to a grocery store to get something for her headache. She ran into the store trying not to get soaking wet. She had so many things on her mind, she felt dizzy and she blacked out for a second.

"Whoa there," a clerk said, catching her before she fell to the floor. "Are you okay ma'am?"

"Uh, yeah I'm fine," Sara said. "I'm just a little winded from running."

"Okay," he said. "You gave me a bit of a scare."

"I'm sorry," she said with a smile. "Thanks for catching me."

He nodded then walked off.

She quickly picked up a small box of aspirin then paid for it at the self-checking counters.

She felt her pager buzz. She didn't want to respond. She just wanted to be left alone. Then her cell phone rang. It was Grissom. She picked up, then quickly hung up. She did not notice the speeding car coming toward her, with no intentions of slowing down. 

She heard the car horn, but it was too late. She was in complete shock and the car made contact with her body.

The driver saw her go about ten feet behind his car. In a panic, he drove off.

Sara was very much aware of the acute pain that struck her body. She couldn't bring herself to move. She felt blood trickling down her forehead, and pain in her lower body. 

"Somebody call 9-1-1!" A bystander called as they ran toward her. It was a woman. "It's okay, I'm a nurse. Can you understand what I'm saying?"

Sara nodded weakly. She was tired and she wanted to close her eyes.

"No, no, no," the nurse said. "Keep your eyes open. Stay awake. Are you feeling any pain?"

"I just want to go home," Sara mumbled. "I want to go home to Gris…"

"Shh," the nurse said. "Try not to talk too much."

"I want to tell him about our baby…" Sara mumbled in her lethargy. "I want to go home…"

Sara felt pressure on her neck. "She's losing a lot of blood."

Sara felt cold and numb.

"Ma'am, you've got to stay with me," the nurse said. "Ma'am…c'mon stay awake. Ma'am!"

She was going into shock. Her eyes glazed over and her pupils were dialated. 

***

Grissom paced back and forth in the waiting room impatiently waiting on news about Sara. Warrick was holding Catherine's hand as she held on to him tightly, trying to quell the fear that was running down her spine. Nick was outraged and watched the news for any updates on who a suspect might be.

"This was the scene earlier tonight after a hit and run. A young woman was hit at full speed by a driver speeding in the parking lot. Frank Guerrero has more from the scene, Frank." The reporter referred to.

"Hi Nancy," he said quickly. "I'm here at Murphy's taking in the reaction of this horrible crime. I just finished talking to one eyewitness who happens to be a nurse and she said that the woman was semi-conscious at the time, but she wasn't in good condition. Apparently, the woman began to cross the street as the driver rounded the corner at a speed much too fast for a parking lot. Another eye witness said that the driver had to have been doing close to fifty-five in the parking lot." Frank reported.

"You said you talked to the nurse," Nancy started. "What was the extent of the victim's injuries?"

"Uh, the nurse told me that the victim sustained head trauma, and had a large cut on her neck. She also told me that the victim was hit directly in the abdomen, so she may have internal bleeding as well. Witnesses say that she was actually thrown ten feet from the point of impact. That is how fast the driver was going."

"Thank you Frank. The woman has not been identified yet, but she was air lifted to Desert Palm Hospital where she is currently listed in serious condition. If you have any information on either the suspect or the car, please contact the Las Vegas Police Department. In other news…"

Nick turned off the television. He was upset and it took him all he had not to blow up at anybody.

"Doesn't it ever bother you how they just go from one story to the next? Like it doesn't even…" Nick could not finish his sentence. 

Catherine was in tears.

"When they find the bastard that did this I swear…" she cried.

"Shh, don't talk like that right now," Warrick said, rubbing her back.

Grissom was clearly stressed out. The woman he loved was seriously hurt and on the verge of death. He wanted to find the coward that ran her over too. 

***

After six agonizing hours of waiting, a doctor finally came in with some news.

"How is she?" Grissom asked.

"Well, she's not out of the water yet, but she's doing fine at the moment. We stabilized her, and stitched up the gash on her neck. She's lucky to be alive. The cut barely missed her jugular. She lost quite a bit of blood, and she's in a coma from the shock," the doctor explained.

"What are you saying?" Grissom asked.

"Well, she may not live through this, but she's got a fifty percent chance," the doctor explained. "Um, sir. Did you know that she was pregnant?"

Everyone was in shock at the news. 

"Was?" Nick asked.

"I'm sorry, she lost the baby. We did an ultrasound to check for any internal bleeding and we found a damaged zygote. She was nearing the end of the first trimester. We had to take her in to surgery to remove what was left of the baby. I'm terribly sorry," the doctor said. "But she can still get pregnant and have children. So that's some good news."

Grissom had to sit down at what he just heard. Sara was pregnant. With his child. _WAS_ pregnant. Now the baby was gone, and he feared that he might lose Sara too.


	3. Coping

Stayin' With You: Chapter Three: Coping

Grissom kept vigil over her bedside for two nights, barely eating, or sleeping. He was just watching Sara sleep. He hoped that she was having dreams instead of nightmares. He decided that he should just go ahead and tell the team about their relationship. He was happy to know that they supported him all the way. The lab was working around the clock to track down the person that nearly killed Sara. It would be the first time that Ecklie's crew was thorough and diligent in their work.

Grissom didn't know what to do about himself. He tried going for walks, getting something to eat, but nothing was working. He couldn't keep his mind off of Sara no matter how hard he tried. 

He observed her as she slept. She was beautiful. He imagined she would be even more beautiful with her belly swelling to accommodate their baby, and her face glowing. When he thought about it, he'd seen her look before. He had no idea, not even the slightest hint that she might be pregnant, but the way she looked; her face showing content and pleasure. He began to recall when she sighed dreamily, only brushing it off as good sleep. 

"Sara, why didn't you tell me?" He asked as he squeezed her hand, as if the whole thing was going to reverse. 

Grissom kissed Sara's hand. "Wake up, baby, I know that you're hurting right now but please open your eyes."

He saw her lids begin to flutter a bit, then she slowly opened her eyes.

***

Sara woke up. She couldn't remember anything. She didn't even know why she was at the hospital. She whimpered in pain as she fell back to the bed, in an attempt to sit up. What happened to her? Suddenly, vague memories began to haunt her. She saw the car again, she felt it hitting her. What was she thinking? She should have looked…none of this wouldn't have happened. She heard someone come in.

"Ah, you're awake," a doctor said. "Hi, Sara. I'm Dr. Freedmont."  
"Hi," Sara said weakly.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I feel like I was dropped from an airplane," Sara groaned. "What happened exactly?"

"Uh, you sustained some pretty life threatening injuries…"

"What about my baby? Is it okay?" Sara asked, expecting some good news, but she got the opposite.

"Ms. Sidle," the doctor started sympathetically. "You were hit directly in the abdomen. We checked for internal bleeding, and you had none, but you were miscarrying. You had actually been miscarrying all day. You would have eventually lost the baby, it's just that the hit and run, pretty much finished it up. We had to remove the baby in surgery. You can still have children…"

"I don't want to hear anymore," Sara said as she began to cry. "I can't begin to tell you how much I wanted my baby. I was so happy, and now…it was my fault. I didn't look both ways before crossing…"

"No, the person who did this is responsible, not you," the doctor said, taking Sara's hand.

"Just leave me alone right now," Sara said as she lay back down. "Where's Grissom?"

"Who?" The doctor asked.

"Gil Grissom," Sara said rather impatiently. "Where is he?"

"Oh, he went to go get some coffee," Dr. Freedmont said. "He'll be back in a few minutes."

Sara nodded then laid back down. She felt a bit of pain in her neck. She ran her hand across her neck. She felt stitches. She couldn't totally remember the hit, but she certainly felt it. She felt it in her body and in her heart. She was hurting because she could no longer feel anything within her. She couldn't feel the child growing by the minute in her womb anymore. She felt empty. She felt hollow.

Grissom came in quietly before greeting her. "Hey you're up."

Sara only managed a weak grin. She knew that he knew about her pregnancy already. He knew that the baby no longer existed.

He kissed her lightly on the lips before sitting down next to her. He solemnly put his hand on her now flat abdomen. 

"We would have been parents in six months' time," he said with a chuckle, then his chuckle turned into soft crying as he lay his head on her belly. "I promise I'll get him. Whoever did this to you won't get away with it."

"Shh," Sara said, running her hands through his hair. "Don't worry about that right now. I'm here with you, that's all that matters."

"Why didn't you tell me honey?" Grissom asked. 

"I was afraid that you wouldn't want me after that," Sara said. "I was afraid that you wouldn't want the baby."

"Oh God Sara," Grissom said into her belly. "Nothing would have made me happier than to have a child with you."

"The doctor said that we can still have a baby," Sara said. "I promise I'll give you children Gil. I'll give you as many as I can have. We'll fill the house full to the brim with children."

"I love you, Sara Teresa Sidle," Grissom said to her.

"I love you, Gilbert Anthony Grissom," she said, giving into the exhaustion that overtook her body.

***

A few days later, Sara was discharged from the hospital.

"We're home," Grissom said.

Sara grinned a little as she got out of the car. She would finally be able to use her own bathroom and sleep in her own bed, and eat her own food.

"Grissom put her bags in her bedroom then he came back out to her and helped her sit on the couch. She was sore from her surgery, and she couldn't just plop down in a chair, as she so often did. Grissom used to get annoyed by it because she plopped down on his lap sometimes. Even though she weighed a healthy one hundred twenty pounds, she still flung all of that weight onto his middle aged body.

"What are you thinking about?" Sara asked as she covered herself with a blanket.

"I was just thinking about the many times I scolded you for plopping down on me and on the furniture," he said as he propped her feet up.

Sara smiled. "It's fun."

"For one of us," Grissom said, rolling his eyes. He turned serious. "Sara, do you want to talk about what happened? How you feel about losing the baby?"

Sara stared at him blankly for a minute before answering. "There's nothing to talk about. I mean, it is partly my fault. I should have looked both ways before crossing."

"No Sara," Grissom said firmly. "Honey, you were barely to the middle of the street when the perp hit you."

"I don't know," Sara said, beginning to cry. "I just had so many things on my mind that night. It was my fault. I was so careless. I didn't know what to do…"

"Sara, you cannot blame yourself," Grissom said taking her hands. "None of this was your fault. You were pregnant, you were happy, you were worried. The person who wasn't thinking that night was the perp."

"No, I-I should have been looking…I heard the car horn," Sara said, seemingly satisfied with her reason, no matter how it sounded.

Grissom sighed and kissed her forehead.

"You know Gil," she started. "Sometimes, I can feel the baby kicking. I still feel it inside of me."

He knew then that it was her medication talking. "Sara, you need to rest."

"No," she whined. "I don't want to."

"Sara please," Grissom said looking into her distant eyes, full of delusions. "Lay down and go to sleep."

"I can't go to sleep," she said struggling weakly against him pushing her gently down on the couch.

Grissom saw her eyes slowly closing as he laid her down. She fell into a deep sleep almost instantly. He kissed her lips then he got in the love seat opposite the couch. He rubbed his temples then he leaned back and took in Sara's sleeping form. She looked different. This time, she looked afraid and insecure. Uncharacteristic of Sara. He couldn't help but think that there was something he could have done. Actually, there was nothing either of them could do about it. The doctor said that Sara had been miscarrying all day up until the hit and run. She showed no signs of pain, or even concern. Sara looked happy and thoughtful as usual.

After about an hour, he saw Sara stir. She sat up and brushed her hair from her face with her hand. 

"You didn't sleep very long," Grissom said.

Sara didn't respond as she sat Indian style on the couch and clutched the pillow. The tiredness was weighing down her body, but she didn't feel like sleeping. She had too many shadowy memories of the night she lost her heart's desire: her baby. On that night, her thoughts were not on her headache. Her thoughts were on the child she was carrying. 

She was thinking how much she would love the baby and give it the best things the world had to offer. She was thinking that it would be a boy. She felt a strong sense that the baby was a boy. Even in it's death, she still believed that she was having a boy. She imagined that the baby would look a lot like Grissom. She would have liked that. She would have two strong men in her house.

Grissom wanted desperately to talk to her, but he would not let his mouth move. Her silence made him feel a pang in the deepest pits of his stomach. The sunlight danced across her face, making her seem angelic. 

"Damn sunlight," Sara huffed. She got up and closed the curtains, shrouding the room in darkness.

He said nothing. People had strange ways of coping with loss. Sara had to deal with it from the inside out. He could not even begin to imagine the loss she felt. She carried the child, nurtured it up to it's point. So intimate is the bond between mother and child in the womb, that Grissom never thought that he'd understand. He wanted desperately to help her through her pain, but he didn't know how because his heart was wrought with fresh pain. It was painful to him to watch her suffer, to see the bruises and the cuts, to see her cry. All he wanted was her happiness.


	4. Starting Over

Stayin' With You Chapter Four: Starting Over

The scar on Sara's neck was hardly visible. She was glad because the less she could see, the less she remembered that night. Grissom always kissed that spot on her neck, just to reassure himself that she could survive anything. 

Sara felt her maternal instincts flaring up yet again. She desperately wanted to have a baby. She felt that it was the best thing for her at this point in her life. She was nearing thirty-four years old. It was time that she became a mother before it was too late for her. It had been a year since the hit and run, and the perp was never caught. She had to come to terms with that. She had accepted the miscarriage of her child, but she was still trying to accept the fact that the guilty party was still out there, living his or her life without so much as a look backwards.

Sara walked into the kitchen with nothing but a white cotton tank top and white panties. She did that frequently. She walked around in her underwear or nude sometimes. She would always get mad when Grissom rose a stink about it. Not today. She looked particularly irresistible to him this afternoon, with her hair tussled from sleep, and her eyes adjusting to the sunlight. 

Sara was drinking a glass of water when she felt his arms wrap around her waist. She picked up the glass, sighed, pushed his arms away and went to the opposite counter. 

Grissom sighed and wrapped his arms around her again, this time tighter. He kissed her neck lightly. 

"Gil, stop," Sara said, trying to resist the pleasure she felt. He pushed her hair aside to kiss the scar on her neck. "Gil, I can't right now."

"Please Sara," he whispered. "Let me make love to you."

Sara tried to escape his embrace, but she couldn't. He held on to her while he kissed her neck. Sara felt herself giving in to his need and desire. She gave up and relaxed. She could feel his arousal and that caused her to become aroused. Grissom was a man who had wants and desires. It had been a year since they had been intimate, and he could no longer contain himself. He needed to show her how much he loved her and that he would never let her go. The events of the past year had taken an emotional toll on them. Sara had been withdrawn and the love that they felt before was stale. This was his only chance to rekindle what was there.

He reached around her and squeezed a breast through her shirt. She leaned up and gave him a deep passionate kiss. His hands went down to her hips and he pulled her panties down her thighs and let them fall to the floor. She was trying to get his pants off. He helped her along. When they were ready, he entered her from behind.

He thrust into her wildly. Sara moaned in pleasure and pain. Grissom's breathing became erratic and he reached under her shirt to tease a nipple. 

"Oh Gil," she moaned. "Right there." 

Sara couldn't deny the pleasure. It had been so long since she felt anything remotely like what she was feeling now. She bent over a little more to increase the sensation.

"Gil," she moaned. "It hurts but you feel so good."

"God Sara," he grunted into her neck. "I love you."

He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her to him harder. Sara bent over until her breasts were almost touching the counter. Her hands were flat on the counter.

"Oh, oh God!" She screamed.

Grissom's hand reached under her shirt and tweaked her nipple before caressing both of her breasts while he pulled her to him. He knew that he was probably hurting her, but he needed to get this out of his system. He felt that she was slipping away and he needed her back with him. He wanted her soul to be one with his again.

"Oh Gil!" She shouted as he went faster and thrust into her harder. Her small breasts bounced with their movements. He felt his climax building. 

"Oh God, Sara!" He grunted into her back as he climaxed. He kept plunging into her until he felt her climaxing around him.

"Oh yes! Oh Gil!" She moaned. "Yes."

He pushed into her a few more times before he was totally spent. Sara was breathing hard and she lay her head down on her hands, shivering and wincing from her orgasm. Grissom buried his face in her neck. She could feel the sweat on his forehead. She was sweaty as well. She felt a droplet fall down her temple. Her hair was damp with sweat and it was plastered to her neck and shoulders. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it might burst. The love she felt for Grissom was stronger than ever. He released her from her private hell and brought her back to him. Maybe it wasn't the most romantic way of rekindling their relationship, but he made love to her nonetheless, and he pleased her. She realized what she had been missing and what she needed.

***

After that afternoon, their love changed. They stole extra glances at each other here and there, gave each other light kisses whenever possible, and they said "I love you" more often. It went on that way for weeks and then they settled down into a comfortable rhythm that made them both happy.

At work, they were able to stay professional, but at home, they were allowed to say whatever they wanted to each other and do what they want in the privacy of their own apartment without worrying about rules and coworkers.

"Gil," Sara said as she flipped through the channels on her television.

"Yeah?" He answered, looking up from his crossword.

"I love you," she said plaintively, never taking her eyes off the television.

He could not comprehend her. She was strange in every aspect. He also knew that he was and forever would be outsmarted by Sara. She was highly intelligent and she could match wits with him any day.

"I love you too," he said, admiring her beauty and mind.

She smirked as she continued flipping through channels. "There's nothing on." She whined.

"Would you like me to go downtown and have a talk with the station?" He asked.

"Oh, so you think you're funny," Sara said with a smile.

She came over to him and gave him light kisses on the lips.

"No, I don't think I'm funny," Grissom said in between kisses. 

"Naah," Sara said. "I like you as "Serious, Scientific, Analytical Mr. Grissom."

"And I like you as "Cynical, Hold-down-the-fort Sara," he countered.

"You better," she said, going back to her side of the couch. "Gil I'm hungry."

"What do you want for dinner?" He asked, flipping through his crossword puzzle book. "Why do you insist on doing my crosswords?"

Sara only shrugged. He sighed and kissed her cheek before going into the kitchen. "Do you want take out, or a homemade meal?"

"Homemade sounds good," she said. "Can you make some steaks?" 

Grissom did an about face and looked at her strangely. "You want to eat meat all of a sudden?"

"Yes," she said as if it were the norm for her. "I want a steak dinner. T-bone steaks with mashed potatoes, corn, and an apple pie complete with some red wine."

"Okay," he chuckled. "I have to go to the store first."

"Take your time," Sara said. "Please Gil. It'll be so romantic. We can put the table by the window and light candles. I'll even dress real sexy for you."

"Your wish is my command my dear," Grissom said with a smirk.

When Grissom left, Sara went to the bathroom and drew herself a hot bubble bath. She rid herself of her drab sweatpants and baggy shirt. When she was completely nude, she stepped gingerly into the bathtub and let the smell of her lavender bubble bath fill her nostrils. She ran her hands over her abdomen. It was flat as a board.

__

Someday, she thought.

She washed herself thoroughly then got out of the tub. She let her hair fall around her face as she let it down. She put on underwear that she bought at a sale at Victoria's Secret. Grissom hadn't seen this underwear before. She would probably give him a heart attack. She put on a black dress that was hidden in the back of her closet. Grissom hadn't seen the dress either. She applied more makeup than she usually wore.

The next step was moving the table to the window. She dragged it across the floor without too much fuss and then place two of the four chairs on either end. She got out two white candles and lit them.

As soon as she lit the candles, Grissom walked through the door with bags of groceries. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her. He appreciated seeing her long, shapely legs being shown off by her dress, and her toes fitting perfectly in her high heel shoes.

"You look beautiful," he said.

"Thank you," she said, going over to him and taking some bags.

Sara sat on her counter and watched as Grissom expertly prepared their dinner. He would come by and steal a kiss from her every now and then. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. She looked stunning. He had never seen her in a dress before. It was always the dressy pantsuit. Never had he had the pleasure of seeing her in a dress. He thought he'd never see the day.

Sara couldn't keep the smile off of her face.

"Dinner is served," Grissom said as he placed a plate in front of her. It had exactly what she asked for.

"Thank you," she said. 

He put his plate on the table then, he picked up the wine. He poured them some wine and their dinner began.

"Mm," Sara said. "This is much better than any restaurant I've eaten in. I'll have to give my compliments to the chef a little later."

She took off her shoe and rubbed his calf with her foot.

"Sara," he said. "Eat first."

They ate in silence, their eyes communicating for them. Sara looked like a goddess to him. Her beauty was accentuated by the candlelight.

Sara dropped her fork to her plate with a loud clang. "I'm done," she said, arousal evident in her voice.

Grissom had finished as well and they both got up and headed to their bedroom.

***

"Gil, I'm exhausted," Sara said breathlessly as she rolled over in the bed. She cuddled up to him.

"For once, I wore you out," he quipped.

"Four times in one night," she said in awe. "That was amazing. I love you so much."

"I love you too," Grissom said.

They lay in silence for a few minutes before Sara mounted him again.

"Again?" Grissom asked in surprise.

"No," she said, leaning down to kiss his lips. "Gil, I want to know how you feel about maybe getting married."

Grissom put his hands on her hips in thought. Marriage? That was the last thing on his mind. What they had now was good enough for him. Of course, he would love to have Sara as his wife, but at this point, he felt he would be rushing her if he asked her. He knew that she would readily say yes, but he didn't want to rush things.

"Sara, I don't want to pressure you," he said. "It would be great of we got married, but not right now."

Sara's face showed a hint of disappointment, but it was quickly wiped away when he sealed his statement with a kiss. Sara was helplessly in love with Grissom. Anything he said was rational and perfect to her at this moment.


	5. Another Chance

Sayin' With You Chapter Five: Another Chance

Sara was fuming as she stalked down the hallway of the lab. She went into the locker room and grabbed her keys to her car. Grissom had pissed her off beyond anything. Unlucky for him, he got the pleasure of seeing a pissed off Sara at home. The conversation ended at the lab and continued in their apartment.

Grissom went after her.

"Sara!" He called. "Sara don't leave!"

"Just go away, Gil!" She yelled. "I'll see you when you get home. I'm so mad at you right now I can't even work!"

She got into her car and sped home.

***

Sara walked into their apartment, seething. She was upset because the killer in her last case that was given to another shift killed again, after she was so close the last time. She was taken off the case because of the time crunch put on them when evidence was thrown out of court on a humbug. She beseeched Grissom to get her case back again, but he refused.

Sara threw her keys down on the table and buried her face in her hands. She tried her best not to cry, but she failed miserably. She felt hot tears run down her cheeks. She wanted to finish what she started. The moral obligation she felt towards the family of the victim was swelling in her heart. It wasn't about recognition or promotions anymore. It was about justice. Her job just wasn't about advancing anymore. She didn't care so much about it anymore. Her personal tragedy caused her to take a second look at her career. She remembered why she took the job in the first place. 

She went to the kitchen and opened the cabinet to get a glass when Grissom walked in quietly.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" She shouted as she threw a glass at him. He dodged it and it shattered when it hit the floor.

"Sara are you crazy!" He shouted first. Those were the wrong words.

Sara threw another glass at him and it hit the wall. "Don't you dare ever call me crazy! Ever! How dare you?"

"Sara, please honey calm down," Grissom said, the fear of what she could do to him resonating in his voice.

"Calm down?" She said in a rage. "How the hell am I supposed to calm down when a fucking psycho that could have been behind bars is running the streets? Why didn't you give me my case back Gil? Why?"

"Because Sara it hit a wall, you would have never caught the guy," Grissom said. 

"How do you know that?" She countered. "I was close to cracking that case and then you had to take it away from me!"

"Sara, this isn't about the case, is it?"

"Don't change the fucking subject Gil," she said firmly. "My personal problems have nothing to do with the case."

"Sara, I think it does," Grissom said to her. 

The pain from not being able to capture her own assailant was still fresh, even though it had been a year. She felt that now, it was her duty to get justice for victims of worse crimes. She felt that she had failed by not putting away the criminals that made life hard for a lot of people. She was one of those people who never got justice. 

Sara leaned against the counter and cried hysterically. Grissom hugged her tightly. She bawled into his shoulder.

"Shhh," he said. "Sara, it's okay."

"No it's not," she cried. "It hurts so much to not have closure. To know that they're still out there, amongst us."

"I know," Grissom said. 

"He killed our baby," she cried. "And I'll never be able to look that person in the eye. The Durst family will never get to look in their daughter's killer's eyes. It's not fair!"

In the years he had known Sara, he had never heard her talk like this before. He wondered if she felt that way before, he just didn't know. Sara cared so passionately about the victims and the families. He'd seen her tear herself to pieces with blame and guilt. She always thought that it was her fault.

He took her face in his hands and kissed her lips.

"Sara, it's not your fault," he said firmly.

"Yes it is," she cried.

"No, it's not you fault," he said. "You have to stop blaming yourself."

Sara sniffled then nodded. He pulled her into another hug as she calmed down.

***

Sara and Grissom were cuddled close together on the couch watching television. She looked up at him. He was unaware of the lust in her eyes. She leaned up and kissed him passionately.

"Sara, what are you doing?" He asked.

"I want you to make love to me," she said.

With that, she kissed him again and they began to take their clothes off.

"Bedroom, now," Sara commanded.

The moonlight dimly lit the dark room as they made love.

"Mm," Sara moaned into his mouth as they kissed deeply.

He thrust into her hard and deep. Sara wrapped her arms and legs around him tighter. "Oh God." She moaned.

He pressed her back to the bed with each thrust inside her. Grissom buried his face in her neck where her scar was. 

"Oh, Gil, yes!" She yelled. 

He felt his orgasm building with each thrust. Sara dug her nails into his back as she came closer to the edge.

"I'm so close," she whimpered. "Yes, right there…mm…YES!"

He felt her squeeze around him and moan in unrelenting pleasure. He climaxed as well.

When they came back down to their bodies, they separated and lay in each other's embrace.

***

"I hate you!" Sara shouted in Grissom's face in his office. "I hate you , I hate you!"

She was crying hysterically. Grissom was thoroughly confused. She just burst into his office with an anger like the mythical Charibdys. She stared him down with her infamous death stare then shouted how much she hated him and now here she was, crying like a child throwing a temper tantrum in his office.

"Honey, what's wrong?" He asked.

Sara managed to compose herself. "Nothing, I'm fine," she said. "I just got a little too emotional and took my frustrations out on you. I'm sorry."

With that, she walked out of the office. He couldn't understand that woman for the life of him. Little did he know that it would be even worse when he got home.

He walked through the door. He looked around carefully so that he wouldn't be ambushed by flying objects with trajectories with the intent of injury. He sighed when the coast was clear. Just when he thought he was on easy street, a spoon came reeling past him. 

"Gilbert Anthony Grissom!" Sara shouted from the living room. When she used his middle name, he knew that he was in serious trouble.

"Yes?" He answered cautiously.

"I really hate when you eat the food that you know I like and that I bought for myself!" She shouted. "What the hell is this?"

She held up a container of ice cream with only about two or three spoonfuls left. It was her favorite flavor: Jamoca Almond Fudge. 

"You haven't been eating it," Grissom explained. "I mean it was just sitting in there. Why have you been so moody lately?"

"Don't change the subject. You know I like this ice cream, and the day I want some, it's gone!" She shouted. "I don't want you anywhere near that refrigerator without my permission! You always do this and it drives me insane!" 

She threw the container at him and plopped down in a chair and cried. She tried to calm herself but she was failing miserably. Grissom came up to her and kneeled in front of her.

"Sara, what's the matter honey? What do you want? I'll get you anything you want," he said, trying to help her stop crying. "I'll go get you some more ice cream. I'll cook you dinner. Just please stop crying. I can't stand to see you cry."

Sara sniffled and wiped her tears. "No, there's nothing you can do right now. I'm just going to go lay down for a bit."

She got up. Grissom followed her, but she slammed the door in his face. She was not happy with him. Grissom was worried about her. Maybe she was getting depressed again. He remember the last time she had been depressed. She got upset over every little thing, then she would sleep all day, stay up and ramble to herself all night, and the next day the cycle began again. He didn't' want her to get depressed all over again. He wouldn't be able to stand it.

Just then, the door opened and she came out looking better than what she was before. She gave him a peck on the cheek as she walked to the kitchen. She got a glass of orange juice and gulped it down in ten seconds. She poured herself another glass, then another, then another. After she was through with orange juice, she grabbed the carton of milk and drank four glasses of that too. Grissom gave up. He wasn't going to try and figure her out. If several glasses of orange juice and milk evened out her mood, he was all for it.

Later on that evening, Sara was pacing in their bedroom. Grissom was trying to get some sleep, but he was worried about her. She just paced, back and forth…back and forth. He was going to take her to see a doctor.

***

Grissom tried taking Sara's hand as they walked through the hospital, but she pulled away and gave him her deadliest stare yet.

"I can't believe you brought me here," she said, her anger radiating from her body. "To imply that I was getting depressed again…that was a really low blow."

"Honey, I'm sorry, but you were pacing, nonstop. Sara Teresa Sidle does not pace," Grissom said as he held the door open for her.

"Watch, you brought me her for nothing, and they're going to tell you the same thing I've been telling you. I'm fine…"

Sara sat patiently on the bed waiting for the doctor to come back. She was sure that everything was normal and that she was going to walk out of the hospital with flying colors.

"Hello again," Dr. Himenez said. "Well, everything seems to be normal, so there's no need for any medication…but, your blood tests came back and I want to congratulate you."

"Why?" Sara asked.

"You're pregnant."

Sara felt as if time had stopped. "I'm…I'm…pregnant?"

"Yes," the doctor said with a smile.

Sara couldn't believe her ears. She was pregnant again. It was like a miracle. She swore at that moment not to let anything happen to her child. She would protect the baby with her life. 

Sara jumped on Grissom and she laughed. Grissom held her, wondering what she was so happy about. She looked into his eyes.

"I'm pregnant," she said with the brightest smile. Grissom smiled and kissed her passionately.

"I love you so much," he said. "I LOVE THIS WOMAN!"

They were so happy they could hardly contain themselves. They were going to be parents this time, they were sure of it.


	6. Doubts

Stayin' With You Chapter Six: Doubts

Sara woke up with a sudden craving. She wanted a beef burrito. She herself knew that it was strange because she wasn't too big on Mexican food. Being pregnant again completely changed her life thus far. Her hormones were all screwed up and she felt that her brain was losing all of its cells. Every little thing bothered her. It ranged from the dishes being out of place to Grissom leaving his socks in the floor and walking through the apartment with shoes on. There was now a new rule: all shoes come off at the door.

Grissom was trying his best to make Sara happy and do as she told him. He was a little tentative because he didn't want anything to happen to her. He would protect her and the baby. In reality, the odds of something as serious as a year ago were slim. Even though he knew this, Sara was only in her second month of pregnancy. They had a long way to go.

Sara had a similar mindset, and she had absolutely no idea how to get through her pregnancy. She admitted that the first time, she didn't take care of herself. She smoked a lot that year, drank more than she was used to, and was a strict vegetarian and she barely ate anything because of work. She would have eventually lost the baby, and she knew that her miscarriage would be because she had been taking the worst kind of care of herself. She didn't even see a doctor for God's sake. She would have miscarried and it would have been her fault. If she had just told the truth in the first place, maybe they would be saying they were expecting their second child.

Sara sat up in bed and shook the thoughts from her mind. She was pregnant now, and she was happy. She wanted this baby, and she would do everything to take care of him (she was convinced that she was having a boy). She was determined to be a mother, and she was determined to have that beef burrito.

She wiped sleep from her eyes. She and Grissom had been asleep for most of the day. She was sleeping because she had been cleaning the house like a mad woman all night, and Grissom was sleeping because he worked most of the shift out in the field. She looked back at Grissom, who was sleeping and she grinned. He was so excited about the baby. She was glad that he was so happy. How could she ever think that he wouldn't be happy about being a father?

Sara sighed as she tried to get herself to wake up. She was exhausted. She figured it went along with pregnancy. She yawned and stretched. She unconsciously scratched her belly as she did this. She felt that she was gaining a little weight, but nothing she was ashamed of yet. The way she ate food though was what freaked both she and Grissom out. She ate like a starving little orphan kid. There was no food wasted in the Grissom-Sidle household.

She got up and put on a shirt and pulled on a pair of jeans. Her eyes became wide as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her jeans barely fit. They were very low on her hips and her midsection was blocking the button from getting to the hole.

"Crap," she muttered to herself as she tried to suck in what she had in order to fit her jeans. Finally, she succeeded. She was in pain, but she got her jeans on.

All of a sudden, the button flew off somewhere in the room, and she heard Grissom stir in his sleep. Sara pulled off the jeans and threw them angrily across the room.

"You've gotta stop throwing things when you get angry honey," Grissom said sleepily.

All of a sudden he found himself dodging for the floor as the hairdryer came sailing across the room in his direction. She sat on the bed and cried in frustration. Grissom peeked over the top of the bed to see if she had any other objects ready to throw. When he saw that he was safe, he came back up on the bed. Sara had been emotional lately, and it was best for him not to make too many snide remarks. Two days ago, she threw a book at him. It was a thick one too.

"I don't know why I'm so fucked up," Sara cried. "I'm pregnant, I'm supposed to be happy!"

Grissom began to massage her shoulders. "Honey, this is all normal."

"Shut up, Gil! You're not helping!" Sara yelled as she pushed his hands off of her and got up from the bed. "You always leave your dirty socks in the floor, you don't clean as often as you should," she cried harder as she sat on the floor. "You never even call your mother."

Grissom didn't know how to comfort her. He knew that she had lost her mind. He couldn't call his mother, his mother was completely deaf. Sara knew this, but she was a jumble of nerves and hormones that were way off line within her body. Any rational thoughts escaped her mind.

"Baby, I'm sorry," Grissom said. "I'll do whatever you want. Are you hungry? I'll make you something for breakfast."

Sara shook her head. "No, I'm okay."

Sara got up and she found a pair of stretch pants to put on. She grabbed her keys and went out for a beef burrito.

***

As soon as Sara finished her burrito, she blanched.

She pulled over to the side of the road and threw up. She was never going to eat another burrito. Besides, that kind of food wasn't good for the baby. What was good food for the baby? Sara had no idea what to expect during her pregnancy. 

"I'm gonna be a bad mother," Sara said to herself as she began to cry.

There was only one woman that she knew that could help her. Catherine Willows.

***

Sara stood on the porch and rang the doorbell. 

"Hold on just a minute," Catherine's muffled voice called from within.

Sara waited patiently as Catherine prepared her home to look somewhat decent. After a few more moments, the door opened.

"Sara?" Catherine said in a sleepy voice. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I came over to ask you some questions," Sara started. "I woke you up, I'm sorry."

"Um, no," Catherine said, wiping her face. "I just got up, actually. I um…need to tidy up a bit, but do you want to come in?"

"No," Sara said. "I can tell that I disrupted your flow and I don't want to…"

"Sara, it's okay," Catherine interrupted. "I know you're worried about your pregnancy."

Catherine opened the door wider and allowed Sara to come in. Sara sat down on the plush couch and buried her face in her hands. She was so sleepy she could barely keep her eyes open.

"I'll be back in a few minutes Sara," Catherine said, trying to mat down her tussled hair.

Sara nodded. She was still nauseous from the burrito that she practically inhaled. She heard shuffling around in the bedroom part of the house. Catherine's house was quite large. 

After a few more minutes, Catherine came into the living room.

"Sara, are you okay?" She asked. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Water please," Sara requested.

"Okay," Catherine said. She went to the kitchen and got a glass of water for Sara. "Here you go."

"Thank you," Sara said gratefully. She took a few gulps then set it on the table. "I came over because I don't know how to handle being pregnant. My hormones are all screwed up, I can't function. I threw a hairdryer at Gil this earlier this afternoon."

"Sara," Catherine said in a scolding tone. "You need to take some anger management classes."

"What was your pregnancy like?" Sara asked.

"Well, I was very moody like you are now," Catherine started. "In the first three months, you feel like you have no idea what you're doing. Once you start to show, you'll feel like a new woman. The reason you're feeling this way is because you feel like it's a dream or something, you know? I think that once you see it growing, it's real to you."

Sara nodded. Catherine's words of advice made complete sense. Sara was still in shock that she was going to be a mother. Once she sees the baby, and that it's really inside of her, growing, she'll believe in herself.

"Hey Sara," Warrick said in surprise as he walked into the living room. "Cathy?"

Sara looked between the pair in surprise. "You two must love each other. You don't let anyone call you 'Cathy'."

"Yeah," Catherine said with a smile. "We've been together for a year now Sara."

"I never even noticed," Sara said with a smile. "Does anyone else know?"

"Yeah," Warrick said. "Practically the entire lab knows."

"I have been left out of the loop," Sara said.

"Obviously," Warrick quipped. "How are you doing?"

Sara shook her head. "Not good. I threw a hairdryer at Gil this morning."

"Have you considered taking some anger management classes or something…" 

"Why does everyone keep telling me that?" Sara interrupted in a rage. "I came over here to get some friendly advice but nooo," Sara dragged on. "Why am I the one that needs anger management? I am perfectly fine!" She shouted as she threw the glass to the floor.

Catherine and Warrick were stunned at how quickly her mood changed. She began to cry and she stalked over to the front door and swung it open angrily and walked out.

Catherine elbowed Warrick in the stomach.

"Ouch girl," he said. "What was that for?"

She stood up and faced him. "For getting her upset," Catherine said. "She's very emotional right now and by suggesting…"

"Emotional?" Warrick asked in disbelief. "She's mad as a hatter and you know she's always been that way Cath. Pregnant or not."

"I'm just saying that she's more on edge than usual," she said. "I think she's still afraid that something bad is going to happen to the baby. I pray to God that nothing happens to that baby because who knows what Sara will do to herself. She's been diagnosed as manic depressive. It's a wonder she still works at the lab. We just have to be extra nice around her and not say or do anything that will set her off."

Warrick nodded in agreement. 

"Thank you," she said as she got up on tip toe to kiss him.

"Is this what I have to look forward to if you get pregnant?" Warrick asked.

"No," Catherine said. "Actually, I had real bad morning sickness. But who says I want to have another baby?"

Warrick wrapped his arms around her waist. "I don't know," he said kissing her again. "Is it a possibility?"

Catherine smiled.

***

Sara mentally berated herself for being so mean. She hated this part of her pregnancy so far. She was mean to everyone. She felt her brain scrambling for sanity. She had no idea how she would make it through her pregnancy.


	7. A Baby Changes Everything

Stayin' With You Chapter Seven: A Baby Changes Everything

Sara felt her son move around within her very pregnant belly. She smiled and put a hand on her large belly. She couldn't wait to see him. Every night she imagined what her son will look like. She hoped that the baby had her nose, Grissom's hair, his eyes, and her vitality. She knew that the baby would be intelligent. She read to him almost everyday, and she played different styles of music for him. His name would be Joseph Michael Grissom. Sara liked that name. 

Her cravings were odd, to say the least. She had a strange obsession with mustard and had to have almost all of her dinners with mustard in some way or another. She asked Catherine if it was normal or not, but Catherine's views of normal were slightly altered as well due to her pregnancy. Catherine preferred Hershey's chocolate fudge on everything; even a Subway sandwich. Another thing Sara craved was Mexican food. She would eat anything but burritos. Grissom was frequently taking her out to On the Villa Mexican Restaurant.

Sara chuckled as she stared at her belly. She wondered how something so little could cause such big changes. Sara never thought she'd be as big as she was. She felt disgusting, but Grissom insisted that she looked beautiful…biggest lie she'd ever heard. For that little stunt he pulled, she threw a bottle of body soap at him and locked him out of the bedroom for two days.

Catherine was too excited about her pregnancy to be moody. It was a big shock to everyone when she told them, but they were happy nonetheless. As Sara was entering her seventh month, Catherine was entering her fourth. Sara secretly envied Catherine because Catherine was a pretty pregnant woman. Sara looked rough, and she was exhausted. She couldn't wait to get her son out of her body.

Sara struggled to get out of bed. When she finally sat up, she was out of breath. For Sara having such a tiny frame-her pre-pregnancy size was a six and a half-she was having quite a large baby. People were surprised at how big Sara had gotten.

"Pretty soon, I'll get to see your tiny little face, and have you out of my body," Sara said. She felt like she was in a remake of "Invasion of the Bodysnatchers".

Sara slathered on mustard when she made a sandwich at two in the morning; a liver cheese sandwich with lettuce, tomato, mustard, cheese, and pickles. It was the best thing she ever tasted, and she knew that she would never eat it again after she had the baby.

***

"OH MY GOOOOOD!" Sara screamed in pain Grissom sped through traffic trying to get Sara to Desert Palm Hospital. "GIL! SLOW DOWN!"

"I can't honey," he said nervously. "Just breathe. Remember what you learned in lamas class!"

Sara did her breathing, but the pain kept coming. "HURRY UP! DON'T SLOW DOWN NOW YOU BASTARD!"

Grissom was shocked at the insult. He just looked at her through the rearview mirror. She had been possessed by the devil. Labor pains will do that to a woman. Sara was a different woman. She would bring down the entire hospital, kill every doctor. Kill him.

"I'm going to die," Grissom said to himself.

"OH GOD! DRIVE FASTER!" Sara yelled. "SHIIIT!"

"Honey, just breathe, we've all just gotta breathe," he said as he pulled into the ER driveway.

Grissom jumped out and opened the door for her. Sara hit him.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" She yelled.

After what seemed like forever, Sara was settled into a delivery room.

Sara was breathing as hard as she could to keep from screaming. Grissom was at her side. He offered a hand and she gripped it tightly.

"Ow, ow, it hurts," Sara cried. 

"I know baby, but you just have to keep breathing," Grissom said. "You can do this Sara. I love you so much."

"I love you too Gil," Sara said breathlessly.

After another few hours, Sara was ready to push.

"Come on Sara, push, push, push," Dr. Thetson commanded. "Good girl."

Sara was pushing as hard as she could. The pain was overwhelming, and her body was exhausted.

"I can't, I'm tired," Sara said breathlessly. "I can't push."

"Yes you can Sara," Grissom whispered in her ear. "The baby's coming."

"Sara, you can push, okay? You have to bear down real hard to get the head out," the doctor explained. "Ready? Take a deep breath…and push."

Sara braced her herself and pushed with all she had. She closed her eyes and focused on pushing. She wanted this baby out of her body.

"OH GOD," she choked out as she pushed. She was sweaty and her hair was matted to her forehead and neck.

"Good!" The doctor commended. "You're doing a great job Sara. Just a few more pushes and you'll get to see your baby. Take a deep breath and push hard…"

She grabbed the sheets with one hand and Grissom's hand tighter with the other. 

"Keep pushing, keep pushing," the doctor said. "Come on Sara, you can do this. Push harder."

"Honey, the baby's almost out," Grissom said. "It's right there. Just one more big push. You can do it Sara."

Sara pushed with all the strength she had left. "GOD! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!"

Finally, she heard her baby boy cry.

"It's a boy!" The doctor sounded.

Sara cried hysterically. "Oh my God," she cried. "He's perfect."

Grissom kissed her as she held their newborn son. Sara cried harder as she held her baby. The baby she had carried in her body for nine months was finally in her arms.

"He's beautiful," Sara said with the brightest smile. "He's got your eyes."

"I love you," Grissom said. "I love you both."

He kissed his son's forehead before going to tell their closest friends. 

Catherine was eating, as usual, Warrick was reading a magazine, and Nick was watching television. When they spotted Grissom, they were all anxious to hear what the sex of the baby was, since they kept it a secret from them.

"We have a healthy baby boy," Grissom announced. 

"Congratulations," Nick said. "What's his name?"

"Joseph Michael," Grissom answered.

"I'm happy for you," Warrick said as he shook Grissom's hand.

"Thanks," he said. 

"You're going to be a great dad, Gil," Catherine said as she hugged him, but not too tightly because of her belly.

"Thank you," he said. He placed his hands on her belly. "This little one's not too far off."

"I know," Catherine said, smiling. "Go, go back to Sara."

"Okay," Grissom said excitedly. "Thanks."

When he came back, the doctors were cleaning Sara up. The nurses weighed the baby.

"Little Joseph Michael weighs seven pounds, ten ounces, and he's nineteen inches long," she said as she handed Grissom his son. "Congratulations."

Grissom cradled his son as he sat down in the chair near the window. Sara smiled as she saw the interaction between Joseph and his father. She knew that life would never be the same.


	8. Running Away

Stayin' With You Chapter Eight: Running Away

Sara heard the baby cry again. It was the third time in four hours. Sara was exhausted. She got up from her bed and trudged through the apartment to the next room where the nursery was. Baby Joseph was screaming so loud, Sara knew the neighbors could hear.

She picked him up and cradled him. He started to calm down a little bit as she sat down in the rocking chair and began to hum a lullaby to him. Sara was so tired she could hardly think straight. She needed Grissom. She had spent so much time with the baby at home, that she forgot which direction to go when she went to the grocery store. Grissom was trying his best to be at home, but he would be asleep during the day, leaving Sara to take of the baby. 

The apartment was a mess. Clothes and dishes piled up, and the playpen and bassinet took up most of the space in the living room. They needed a larger place to live. Sara felt claustrophobic and shut in. It had been a while since she had been outside, by herself. She could take Joseph with her, but she had an overwhelming fear of him being out in the crazy world, with the insane people that roamed it.

When Joseph went back to sleep, Sara placed him back in his crib and looked lovingly upon him. She stroked his chubby cheek. Sara couldn't help but giggle. He had chubby cheeks like Grissom.

Sara noticed that it was stuffy in his room.

__

Maybe that's why he's so grouchy tonight, she thought to herself.

She opened a window and a soft breeze immediately cooled the room.

The bed welcomed her and enveloped her in comfort. She was getting ready to fall asleep, but a gust of wind scared her. She went back to Joseph's room and closed the window to a crack. She went back to bed. Sara longed for a little peace and quiet. She hadn't seen Grissom much, not enough to even have a decent conversation with him. They argued most of the time now, so when he left for work, it was a relief to both of them. 

It had been two months, and Sara was beginning to feel regret. She felt that she was inadequate. She felt that she couldn't meet the baby's needs. Joseph needed his father, and it hurt Sara when she realized that she had given up so much, and Grissom was sacrificing little. He was trying to support them, but Sara felt that his need to support them was driving them apart.

She was beginning to wonder if she made the right decision in having a baby with him. She felt anger and resentment toward Grissom.

***

"Gil, where the hell are you?" Sara asked in a rage. "You were supposed to be home three hours ago! You say you're going to come home, then you stay late, and you don't call," she said as she slammed dishes into the sink. "I can't do this by myself Grissom!"

"Honey, I know," Grissom said. "I promise you, I'll be home in a couple of hours."

"No! I need you here now!" Sara yelled into the phone. "You need to come and take care of your son. Listen to him! He's crying for you, Gil!" 

"What do you want Sara?" Grissom asked into the phone rather agitated. "There's only one of us working right now, and we're barely making it with the baby. I can't just leave whenever I feel like it."

"I want you to come home to your family," Sara cried. 

"Sara, I'll be home soon," Grissom sighed.

"Gil? Gil?" 

He hung up on her. Sara hung up the phone and threw it across the room making the baby cry harder. Sara turned back to the dishes, trying to concentrate, but she couldn't with the baby's screaming and her cell phone ringing over and over. 

"Shut up, shut up!" She whispered to herself as she covered her ears.

Sara started to cry hysterically as she went to her bedroom. She threw things haphazardly into a bag. She took all the cash she had out of her purse and her credit and debit cards and shoved them into her pocket. She took her jacket and her keys. She'd had enough. She couldn't stand it anymore. She had to get away.

Joseph kept on crying. Sara cried harder as she touched his cheek, which was red from crying so much.

"Daddy will take care of you," she said. She leaned down and kissed his tiny cheek. "I love you."

She called Grissom's cell phone and placed it next to the screaming baby. Sara walked out.

***

Grissom rushed home, worried about Sara and his screaming son. He felt bad that he treated Sara so coldly. He hadn't been giving neither she nor the baby enough of his time. He was trying to support the both of them, and while he was focused on that, he lost sight of his family.

His heart was pounding as he fumbled with the key to his apartment. When he walked in, he immediately assisted his son.

"I'm sorry buddy," he said. "I'm sorry. I love you."

He held his son close. He could find no signs of Sara. 

"Sara!" He called. No answer. "Sara!"

She had gone, and she left the baby alone for God only knew how long. He felt anger rising within him at first, then he realized that he had pushed her to her limit. Sara was not expendable. She could only do so much, and he just realized that. He sat down on the couch with Joseph and with the several loads of laundry that piled up.

He took out his cell phone and called Sara's number. The ringing sounded a little too close. Grissom knew then that Sara had not taken her cell phone. She didn't take her purse or her pager either. He did not fear that she had been kidnapped or anything. She just left.

"Well, it looks like it's just you and me buddy," he whispered to the now sleeping baby.

***

Sara was relieved to finally get on the highway. She didn't know where she was going exactly, but she was just glad to have a change of scenery and open air. She had a full tank of gas and plenty of pocket change. 

She wasn't even twenty minutes outside the city limits when she began to worry about Grissom and the baby. He was probably scared to death when she left the phone next to Joseph. That was the only way she would know that he would come home immediately.

Sara was so tired, she felt herself beginning to go off road. She needed to stop and rest somewhere. 

She saw a sign for a bed and breakfast near Lake Mead. She turned into the driveway and drove through the pathway through the woods. She saw a large southern mansion surrounded by tall willows. She pulled into what looked like a parking lot. 

She got her things and went inside to check in. No one was at the desk and she rang the bell. She felt herself falling over because she was so tired. She blacked out.

"Miss…Miss, are you okay?" A woman asked.

Sara opened her eyes and focused in on her surroundings. She was at the bed and breakfast.

"Oh, I uh," she started quietly. "Was trying to check in, but I'm exhausted. Is there any room?"

"Of course there is sweetheart, and we'll fix you up in a jiffy," the woman said in a deep southern accent. "Poor thing, you have got to get some rest. What's your name?"

"Uh, Sara, Sara Sidle," she said.

"Sara…Sidle," the woman repeated as she assigned a room. "Okay, I'll have Jim come and take you to your room."

Sara couldn't remember much of anything when she woke up several hours later. She was in a rather large bedroom with it's own bathroom. She noticed that it was evening. She sighed and rolled over and went back to sleep. It felt so good to hear silence. She didn't have to worry about the baby, or hear him crying. There were no dishes to wash, and no clothes to fold. The best part of all was no Grissom. She didn't want to see him. She just wanted him to take care of his son. 

She sighed as she rolled over onto her now flat belly. Sara thought back to that night. Giving birth to Joseph was the single most painful experience in her life, and she was sure that she wouldn't want to do that again for the rest of her life. Even though it was painful, the end was result was worth a thousand labors. She loved her son fiercely, and she hated to leave him the way she did, but she had to get away. She could hardly take care of the baby correctly. On one occasion, _she_ ended up drinking baby formula that she had prepared for Joseph. She was that tired.

After that, she just gave up. She focused all of her efforts on the baby, and then herself afterward. That was okay, but she didn't even have enough time to relax and calm herself before the baby cried again. Sara sighed as she relaxed into the fluffy white bed. It was much more comfortable than the bed she and Grissom possessed. She began to wonder how Grissom and Joseph were doing. She hoped that Grissom knew what her was doing. Only Sara knew all of Joseph's quirks. She knew every cry, every need. Sara grinned as she fell into a restful sleep.

***

Grissom was now beginning to understand Sara's frustration. Joseph cried every few hours, breaking Grissom's sleep, and keeping him from doing work. He didn't know whether the baby was hungry, or just wanted some attention.

Grissom picked up his son out of the crib. "What's the matter buddy?" Grissom asked. "You can't possibly be hungry," he sighed as he brought the baby into his bedroom. "Do you give mommy this much grief everyday?"

By now, the baby had stopped crying. Joseph was wide awake at two in the morning. 

"You're just like your mommy," Grissom said. "I hope you didn't inherit her inability to sleep well."

The baby just cooed and a small grin appeared on his face.

***

Sara woke up feeling refreshed. For once, her sleep was not interrupted by Joseph's screams. 

She looked over at the clock. It was one o'clock in the afternoon. She wiped her eyes of sleep and stretched. The soft glow of sunlight made Sara feel even more serene. She got up and she noticed that she was still in the clothes she wore when she left. Sara felt dirty and she went into the bathroom. She sighed at how big the bathroom was. It had a deep bathtub that was just calling her. She opened up the bag she had mercilessly packed. She took out her hygiene bag and went back into the bathroom.

Bath salts, bubble baths, and shampoos lined the large sink, at her disposal. She smelled each one. She ran some water for a bath. While the water was running, she looked at her figure in the mirror while brushing her teeth. She was a bit chunky in certain areas. That had to go. Once the baby started sleeping at night, she would get a membership at a gym. Other areas, she noticed, needed a few improvements. Her hair was just a mess. She hadn't had the time to straighten it, or do anything with it at all. She hadn't been taking good care of her fingernails, or toenails for that matter. Her face was a wreck.

When the bath was drawn, she stared at her body in the mirror, and she grimaced. 

She stepped gingerly into the tub and let the hot water and the scent of magnolia relax her. Her muscles began to relax and then she closed her eyes in relief. Never had she felt so undone before. She couldn't recall a time when she actually just got away.

After she finished pampering herself, she went down stairs to the lobby. The place was nice, and it was quiet. Just what she needed to recoup. She thought about calling Grissom, but decided against it. This was going to be her time, and she knew that Grissom wasn't worried about her anyway. He knew what she needed and hopefully, he understood that.

"Are you feeling better?" She heard a woman's voice ask from behind her.

Sara turned around. "Um, yeah, much."

"I'm glad," the woman said. "I'm Francis Grumberland. I own this place."

"Hi nice to meet you," Sara said. "I'm Sara Sidle."

"I know," she said. "You poor thing. You were so exhausted yesterday that you collapsed. My husband Jim had to carry you upstairs to your room. Let me guess," she paused. "You're a city gal aren't ya?"

"Kind of," Sara admitted. 

"Oh," Francis said with a brilliant smile. "I can always tell."

Sara smiled. "Do you mind, if I go outside for a while?"

"No darlin'," she said. "You can do whatever you choose. I can make you some supper later, if you like."

"Thanks," Sara said gratefully.

Sara walked around the back and then headed to the lake. It was so calming and tranquil. Everything looked different, even smelled different. She became in tune to what she had taken for granted for many years.

Sara's thoughts drifted to her son. She didn't regret having him, but she realized that she was responsible for another human being until he was old enough to take care of himself. She didn't even realize having a baby took so much time and effort. She put her career on hold for Joseph. She knew she would eventually have to quit; after the hit and run, she was never the same mentally, and she knew that she was suffering from postpartum depression as well. The doctors told her that she was manic depressive and that she needed medication, but Sara had not taken the meds. She convinced herself that she was fine, but deep down, she knew she had issues to deal with. She couldn't just keep running away from her problems like she was doing now.

As the sun began to go down, Sara began her walk to the B&B. Her parents still owned their B&B and it was getting more business than ever. They offered to help out with the baby, but she declined their offer. She wasn't really that close to her parents, and she never asked them for anything. She told them about the baby the day she found out she was pregnant. They were overjoyed. They promised that they would come out and see their grandson before the Christmas holidays.

Sara entered the B&B through the back door. The smell of fried chicken permeated the air. Sara was a strict vegetarian, but since having Joseph, she didn't care much about what she ate, resulting in her gaining a bit of weight. 

"You came just in time Sara," Jim said. "My wife makes a mean supper of fried chicken and mashed potatoes."

"I'm sure she does," Sara said with a smile.

Sara found it rather odd to be eating around a table. Usually she and Grissom ate on the couch.

"I'll say prayer," Jim said solemnly. 

Sara complied by bowing her head and closing her eyes. 

"Dearest Lord in Heaven," he started. "Thank you for being so merciful to us and our family. We ask that you bless this food for our nourishment and satisfaction Lord. Amen."

"Amen," Sara and Francis said in unison.

Sara was very hungry. She ate rather quickly.

"So Sara," Francis started. "What brought you out here?"

Sara took another sip of tea before starting. "I just had a baby, and uh, I kind of broke down," she said. 

"What did you have?" Jim asked.

"A boy," Sara answered with pride. "His name is Joseph Michael."

"That's a good name," Jim said. "A boy needs a strong name."

Sara nodded in agreement and continued. "Well, I've just been kind of stressed lately, so I came here."

"You left your newborn alone?" Francis asked in shock. 

"No! No, I would never do that!" Sara exclaimed. "No, his father is with him."

Francis and Jim breathed a sigh of relief. "For a second there we thought you were a child abuser."

"No, I put people like that in jail," Sara said. "God, no I would never do that to my boy. I love him so much. Here's a picture of him."

She took out a picture of Joseph and handed it to Francis.

"OH," she gasped. "He's a handsome young man. Honey look." 

Jim nodded. "He looks like a Joseph Michael," he said. "Who's the lucky guy?"

Sara was amazed at how intrusive they were, yet it also surprised her how open she was being with them.

"A wonderful man named Gil Grissom," Sara said. 

"Honey, what are you doing out here?" Francis asked. "You should be at home with your family. You should hear how in love you are right now. I know that things are tough, but you just have to get past it."

"I know," Sara said. "I know."


End file.
